Goodness gracious great green giant! Day 26

Goodness gracious great green giant! Day 26

New York wakes up with a jolt, today we’re visiting the Statue of Liberty, yes that jolly green lady stuck out in the middle of the ocean. It is the second day in a row that I am out of bed before 8. After deciding to go to sleep at 3am after watching copious amounts of Iron Chef the horrendous buzz of Jessica’s alarm was nearly too much to bear. I heave myself out of the comfort of my hotel room and hit the city streets.

Today is labour day, time square is actually quiet. Shops are closed and the streets seem almost barren. It’s time for us to learn how to use the New York subway system. Shouldn’t be too difficult? Jess has assigned herself as team navigator seeing as I am useless with maps and Tanya is in charge of tickets. We grab a metro pass and jump on the train, we are heading to battery park, we end up in Brooklyn. Damn. Taxi! Our cabbie kindly gets us to where we need to be and we jump onto the cruise to Liberty Island.

The island itself is quite large, the gorgeous green lady stares over the horizon above us and we begin our travel up to the viewing area. A seven minute stair climb or a thirty minute wait to get an elevator. Ah the agony of choice. Feeling fit we shoot for the stairs, “it’s only 354 steps, how hard could it be?” The following is my agonising tale of climbing the steps to the Statue of Liberty.

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Steps 1 to 45: feeling breezy, my feet are like fluffy clouds as I bounce and bop up the climb.

Steps 45 to 100: the legs are getting a little warm, my head is starting to swim at the sheer height of the building. Hey only 254 to go. No problem. Push on.

Steps 100 to 150: my legs are throbbing and the sweat has begun. Tanya is charging ahead breathing strong, Jess is still able to take photos whilst we climb no dramas.

Steps 150 to 250: holy god my legs are made of cheese sticks and my head is spinning like a top. I’ve knocked myself into semi consciousness on the top of the stairs as we climb. Tanya has fallen into stone silence. Jess has started to crawl.

Steps 250 to 300: I have entered a state of absolute delirium, my t shirt is so drenched I look like I’ve been swept into a tidal pool. Jess is now holding onto my leg as I drag her up the stairs. I’ve hit my head so many frickin times I am now speaking a bizarre mixture of English and what sounds like garbled polish. Surely we are near the top.

Steps 300 to 330: top in sight, bashed my head so hard I now have a slackened face and a twitch in my right arm. Tanya’s encouraging words twist into militant shouts. Jess sounds like darth vader behind me. Ass cheeks have rubbed together for so long smoke is pouring from the top of my pants. This view better be worth it.

330 to 354: have stripped down to my underwear to escape the heat that is flash frying my insides. Jess can now only speak in grunts and we seem to have resorted to a caveman esque style of living. Stopped at step 345 and ate Tanya. I can only focus on moving forward. Then we arrive!

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Ok maybe I’ve exaggerated a little but let me tell you, if you’re going to walk these stairs get yourself ready for a climb. The view from the crown is phenomenal and going down was much easier. We get as many photos as we can to prove that we actually did this then hop back onto the boat headed for Hoboken.

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We are off to meet a hero of ours Buddy Valastro of Carlo’s Bakery. His tv show cake boss is a favourite of ours and after this walk we definitely need some calories! Buddy’s store is a tiny little hub in Hoboken with a massive line up of hungry pastry enthusiasts like ourselves. After around twenty minutes we are in pastry heaven. There’s eclairs, canoli, biscotti, creme puffs and don’t forget the gorgeous array of technicolor cakes dotted about the store. We demolish some pastry and decide to get some lunch at a little Italian place before catching the train back to the hotel. We have done some walking today so it’s definitely worth a little relax.

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But first we have to look at the biggest toys r us Jess and I have ever seen. Seeing as Jess’s first job was a checkout chick a toys r us it seems only right that we are here in New York. The store has an enormous Ferris wheel inside, a life size barbie doll house and a gigantic snarling T. rex. Not to mention so many toys you can become completely overwhelmed. We then head up the street stopping in at a few stores along the way in search of pyjamas for Tanya.

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The m&m’s store? Well we haven’t had luck in our pyjama search yet. This couldn’t hurt. We drop in to the candy covered wonderland to see the custom designed chocolates and assorted candy paraphernalia. Jess is drooling but we just can’t seem to handle anymore chocolate after our pastry punishing. Back to the hotel for a nap before dinner.

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I want hamburgers. Applebee’s to the rescue. The ladies say they’re full. Well I’m starving. It’s been a full American day and I have had zero street food. Get me something fried and smothered. The cowboy burger comes to my rescue. I’m not even going to tell you what the girls ate the portions were so small. I saw some wings for Tanya and some kind of chicken strips for Jess. Weak. I am deep into this burger and loving the smokey richness. Home to bed before another giant day tomorrow.

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That’s if I can move my legs.

Josh and Jess

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